Loch Ness Monster

My driveway is 1/2 mile long.

If you drive on it when it is dry, gravel plinks off your truck's gut; if it rained it sounds like a giant sucking on a lemon. This morning was a plinky sort of morning.

I took it slow. The three stooges--our names for a trio of tom turkeys that make our land their home--are always strutting around. Not today. Today an unknown truck parked about halfway down, right in front of the NO TRESPASSING sign.

I stopped, peeked in. Nobody. To my right runs the river, and I reckoned the guy a fisherman. I pulled forward to a spot where the trees break and I could get a better look.

I saw the Loch Ness Monster. I did. It makes no difference to me that you don't believe me because I saw it. It bubbled ad frothed and then this head thing stuck out of the water. Now it was dark, and I suppose it could have been the guy, but I tell you this thing was HUGE. Not monster huge, but definitely more than guy huge.

As I watched, the Loch Ness Monster threw itself onto shore, slipped back in. It threw itself again, hung there, then back into the drink. That was it. More bubbles. And Lochy was gone.

But the monster's truck wasn't. I thought, this is the chance of a lifetime. People have spent years, entire lives, trying to get one good photo of the monster, but NOBODY has so much as even attempted to take a picture of the truck Old Nessy drives (BTW, the Loch Ness Monster drives a white Ford with a blue topper). This was my chance to make photographic history. Turn around, get a camera, become famous.

My cell rang. It was my wife from the house. We needed celery. I should pick some up later. We started talking celery and pretty soon I'm toolin' down the road. Just before I hang up, I remember.

"Hey, you gotta go take a picture of the Loch Ness Monster's truck. It's in our driveway!"

"Sure thing. Remember the celery."

I got home. No picture. No truck. But I'm waiting. Now I know where to look. For anyone out there who doesn't believe in this beast, prepare to change your mind. And keep your eyes open. White Ford, blue topper.

Comments

[k.k. loring]

That might be the strangest post i ever read. i love it. keep writing them!!!!