jonathan friesen

Cold

It's cold.

Really cold. Nostrils freezing shut cold. 

It's quite the deal. Our family trotted off to the local market to do some bell ringing. It was so cold the automatic doors into the store froze shut, but that wasn't the memorable part. We've been ringing for the last five years, watching the pennies plunk into the red kettle. Until tonight. People, frozen people, dumped in dollars, and five dollars, and twenty dollars. And it was cold. They had every reason to scuttle on by into the warmth, like I usually do. Nobody would blame them on a night like tonight.

But tonight, this little town with a big heart stopped out in the cold and dumped more money in that kettle than it could hold. It amazed me. Warmed me.

Yes, it probably helped that the doors were frozen shut.

Heartbreak

Tonight my heart broke. It's a rotten expression, doesn't come near the meat of it. There's nothing broken about the feeling. In fact, for the first time in a while it feels connected and alive--sucky, but connected and alive. The dull sleepiness that characterizes the normal state of my ticker gets blown away, and all systems fire. It's a horrible feeling, a desolate feeling, but at least it's an honest feeling, which is more than I can boast owning of late.

What caused it? That's mine for now. It wouldn't have a lick of impact on you anyway, and I'm certain you have your own cross to bear. So why bring it up? Who knows. I haven't figured out the purpose of blogs, so I might as well use this one for cheap therapy. Feels good to spit it out.

Tomorrow I'll wake up, dust off my pride, and smile my way through the day. But not tonight--tonight life is real and new and different. 

Least I know the heart works.